365 Days of Marriage

Marriage as an institution is stripping down and gaining negative aura around it. I have witnessed many examples of unhappy couples surviving marriage because of social fabric, family reputations, kids, career, responsibilities etc. But if you rewind a bit, same couples at the time of marriage held hands together and made promises for happily ever after.

When we enter Marriage, spells are recited, jingles are created, vows are accepted, couple is excited and union (WE) is celebrated. You hear people around you calling you both as “Made in heaven”, “Made for each other”, “Perfect Jodi”, and the couple starts its ride to a world full of dreams and fantasy. Seasons change and years pass by. Now in the same marriage, expectations are recited, anger is created, hurt is accepted, freedom becomes excitement and “I” is celebrated. Bed of Roses turns out to be a fence of thorns and the whole idea of ‘Made in heaven’ collapses. Rather than shying and hiding behind juvenile feeling of treating marriage as romantic association, let us make a true attempt to understand the real fabric of this union and ways you can keep it strong and promising.

Marriage is A Daily Investment.

Every investment needs discipline and so does Marriage. It is a long -term perspective and those who understand their investments well will agree that even your stocks and other financial instruments give you most promising returns in long term. Decision of how much to invest is yours, but investing regularly and for long term, are the basic rules. Same applies to marriage. You decide ‘How’ part of your marriage but make sure you invest on your partner 365 days. Some promising ways to do it

a. Learn how to communicate better together. Talk to each other and not against each other.

b. Respect each other’s likes, dislikes, space, choices, goals and aspirations

c. Pray together and for each other daily

d. Do charity together

e. Address financial issues together and don’t let this termite enter your marriage.

f. Appreciate and encourage each other frequently

g. Avoid unilateral decisions

2. Drop the Age Old theories of Made in Heaven & Made for Each Other.

I listen to Sadhguru and he quotes it frequently “We are no celestial beings. We are Human Beings who enter marriage for our needs and to share companionship”. Let’s not take marriage to the gates of heaven and dream world. Rather, let us make efforts daily here on earth by being grateful and thankful to this one person who chose to spend complete life innings with you. Simply show gratitude and be thankful 365 days.

3. Love Genuinely.

Love is not about an expression used while chatting on mobile or in daily conversations. It is not the number of candlelight dinners, cheesy lines, valentines and teddy bears. It’s a 365 days effort to give your partner edge in every aspect of life. It means that you are ready to drop “I” and accept “WE” in every aspect of life. It is about losing a part of you and adding a part of your loved one and that is why it is said, “You fall in love”.

4. Be Liberal and Be Understanding.

We all claim to love our partner the most and still choose to CONTROL rather than understanding. Someone becomes closer or dearer to you only as you understand them better. While we all expect our partners to understand us, we refuse to understand their limitations, problems, needs and capabilities. We start enforcing our views and thoughts in the pretext of being a well-wisher and drop understanding. Rather than control, embrace your partner with understanding, add empathy 365 days of the year, and touch new dimensions in your relationship.

5. It’s about Sharing and not Extracting.

Do not lie on the pyre of expectations in your marriage, as expectation is a combustible material and will surely blow it up all in long term. For all 365 days, your marriage should be a means of sharing your lives whether its pain, joy, sorrow, love, ecstasy, moments, achievements, failures etc. with each other. Just give your best rather than extracting from other. Don’t make it a deal to gain something out of it. Make it an offering and not a transaction.

I have tried to share some of my views so that not only do you conduct marriage gracefully but enjoy this association and union beautifully. Stay committed, stay blessed!