PARENTING TO GIRL & BOY… SAME OR DIFFERENT?

Get-togethers with friends are always special & soothing. As we were all enjoying our reunion, our kids kept coming up with their stories, fights, tantrums and we as parents go bananas for consistently responding to their repetitive, silly & smart patterns. In the whole fun & frolic, one thing that caught my attention was a father of twins, a girl & a boy.

When he was talking to his girl child, he used sweet and soft words like aww, so cute, wow, my cutie, princess. His voice was more in symphony and words were musical. The moment she fell down, he stood up and rushed to her, picking the girl in his arms and comforting her in baby language. However, his vocabulary changed with his boy child. Aww turned to oye, cute became come on and so on, phrases like win this, be strong, be on top, were well placed. He engaged himself with rougher & tumble play to an extent that when his boy child fell, he simply said, “It’s ok, you are strong boy, stand up & clean yourself”.

This confused me and I started thinking that which school of thought is correct?

1. Boys and Girls needs to be treated equally
2. Boys and Girls are not supposed to be treated equally

If right from childhood we are parenting them both so differently, then how can we raise them into adults who can respond simply as a human being (not as girl or boy). Boys & Girls are biologically hard-wired in a different way and we should respect that, but making them learn the difference from environment is a million-dollar question we all need to answer. Right from their room décor, choice of toys, activities, type of emotions that are acceptable, society – including their own parents, teachers, friends, relatives, even strangers, all treat them differently.

It’s important that we as parents make conscious efforts and teach some important lessons to both to create balance in their upbringing and environment.

If we choose to, we can teach our Girls

1. There is more to life than meeting your Prince Charming & Mr. Perfect
2. Life is not a fairy tale and real princesses rule the world, not just sit in their floral gowns
3. If you are trapped in a situation, nobody is going to come for your rescue. Be bold & brave enough to fight it on your own
4. Your body is not fragile. You are also tough
5. That guns, robots, fire engines, cars & lego are equally fun
6. That no one is allowed to hit her ever
7. They can equally play cricket, football, hockey and be a wrestler
8. To say NO
9. To give priority to her self-care & health issues
10. That life is not a race to prove yourself superior to boys

If we choose to, we can teach our Boys

1. It’s ok to cry and express your emotions. It’s no girly thing
2. That they too can like floral and pinks
3. That girls are not weaklings or crybaby. They are just wired to be more expressive
4. That they can equally play with dolls and kitchen sets
5. Cooking is their job too
6. That violence, abusiveness & foul language are not the ways to resolve disputes and conflicts
7. To respect NO
8. That your muscle strength is more but that does not mean that you can’t feel weak in situations
9. Its ok to ask for support from a girl. It will not kill your masculinity
10. That you are no superior to a girl, and no inferior either

The list can go on & on. Well, as parents it is important for us to ensure that we set the basics right for our children. While physical and biological differences of boys & girls need to be accepted and their roles in a family arrangement should be respected, creating a psychological drama over the situation is not apt. Just start seeing them as a child (a blank slate). Treat them equally from the very beginning and charge them up with right bundle of values. Rather than boy or girl, treat them as an individual with set of his/her strengths & weaknesses. It is important that your child is happy, thoughtful, responsible and is able to achieve highest potential as an adult and a human being in life’s journey.

Happy Parenting!